Pisshead, you’re in Creaturemag - A play by Alan Francois
ACT I SCENE 1

FESTIVAL TOILETS
Peewee is dying to go. John leaves the toilet. Peewee enters the toilet.

Peewee: Oh now I’m pissed, hey!
he leaves the toilet, fetching John.
Peewee: Look, look at that!
John: What?
Peewee: I saw you! You were in just before me! Look at that!

Peewee contorts slightly with the strain of holding his urine.

John: Look at what?
Peewee: Pee! Weewee! Piddle water! Third eye drops! Piss!
John: Yes, yes, that’s urine. Your point?
Peewee: Are you denying that’s yours?

peewee holds his fist over his crotch.

John: No, that’s mine alright.
Peewee: Well?
John: Well what?

Peewee: Look, stop pissing around.
John: I didn’t hit the seat, you can clearly see no spillage.
Peewee: (BEAT) You didn’t flush!
John: And?

Peewee is hopping from one leg to the other in order not to urinate all over himself.

Peewee: What do you mean “and”? You didn’t flush! Have you no manners, have you no consideration for your fellow man?

John: Well there’s no need to get pissy, I am actually very considerate. (WALKING AWAY) There is a drought you know, I’m saving water.
Peewee: (TURNING ANGRILY) What? Oh piss off.

John turns around and makes the sound of running water, which indueces Peewee to run back to the toilet only to find someone else using it.